Mo Dao Zu Shi Complete Timeline [UPDATED]
Booty shorts that say: "IT AIN'T GONNA KILL ITSELF"
I’m finally watching Adventure Time and man, I wasn’t prepared for that famous “Sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something” quote being immediately followed by “Are you ready for some serious plastic surgery?” as they start a clinic with no training
I love lying to kids. It's so fun. My coworker's daughter said she speaks 2 languages and I said I spoke 17,000 and she narrowed her eyes at me and was like "... no you don't" and it was the cutest thing.
The last time I saw her I told her I was a "half-magician" that can only do 50% of a trick, and I showed her how I can tear a piece of paper in two but can't make it come back together, and she got soooo annoyed with me. Absolutely adorable. Lying to children is the best
God could you imagine how mad geologists must have been to slowly watch the "hey all the continents kinda fit like puzzle pieces :)" guy get proven right
It was a woman that did it!
I love girl talk, especially when it’s complex geological theory
Fuck! He can’t fly!
cue Damen rocking up to the Barbie premiere in a pink crop top and Laurent coming out of Oppenheimer with eyebags and an existential crisis.
you sit down at the plastic table because your partner likes being outside at the bar even though it’s 90 degrees and 60% humidity at 10pm and you thought this corduroy dress was soooo cute but now youre all sweaty and so one of your balls has escaped your panties but youre wearing fishnets so your loose nut is now dying like a sea turtle in a six pack ring and youre the desperate diver trying to save it but blind and one handed and stone faced cause you can’t draw attention to the fact that youre doing a high stakes wildlife rescue on your stupid scrotum in public because it might turn into a six month news cycle and desantis might fly out to personally bulldoze the bar. and its a thursday
i dreamt this post got 19k notes overnight and everyone i knew had disowned me for for my cat 5 Sack Slip event
Ben and Jerry’s is dangerous ice cream... capitalizes on the evolutionary human instinct to dig for chunks... before you know it half the pint gone
the children yearn for the mines
the enemy is doing some touhou shit my lord